Monthly Archives: April 2016

Haters gonna hate-Love your way through. . .


We all have them. Haters.  Sometimes, they come disguised as friends, co-workers, hell, even family.  Sometimes, it’s the random hateful racist at the grocery store who makes a comment- loudly, to someone right near you- about how much he loves Donald Trump, and how Trump’s gonna fix this country with his wall. . . after you show this person your id with your “funny” (not-typical American) name (and maybe drop more $ than you should on pink champagne and seafood. . . but hey. . . a girl is gainfully employed and likes nice things).  Sometimes, you see them coming, and are able to gird yourself, and laugh it off afterward. . .

But what about those other times?

When the unexpected, unadulterated, hateration comes out of the blue from someone you love and trust? When you go to share good news with a friend and they choose to dump all over it? When you are at the mall and encounter someone so negative, so nasty, that it has the effect of a cold blanket, drowning you in confusion and despair? No?  Just me? Ah well, then I’ll write for me.

This is one of my biggest challenges.  I really hate to spend too much time on haters, because I’m trying to be super-positive right now, but my spirit is telling me to write this, and if I’ve learned anything over the last 35 years, it’s listen to spirit man. . . It knows what’s up. So, how do you keep your energy up when you encounter someone who would rather shit on your parade then dance in it?

Love them.  Love the crap out of them.  In my love studies I came across information regarding  Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. Dr. Len took a job at Hawaii State Hospital, in a ward where they kept the criminally insane- (much like your haters. . . I mean who could hate on your loveable self?). He worked there for four years. When he started, there was a really high turnover rate, because the members of the ward were so troublesome.  After a few months of Dr. Len’s work, the patients healed. Medications were reduced, shackles were released, patients were released! Here’s the kicker- Dr. Len DID NOT see the patients. He would review the files, and work on himself. . .  Dr. Joe Vitale, who co-wrote a book with Dr. Len, stated that when he asked Dr. Len, “What was it you were doing that caused those people to change?” Dr. Len said, “I was simply healing the part of me that created them.”

WHAT??? !!!! You mean to tell me we create our haters?  I know, I know, this sounds super crazy. Dr. Len  was applying the Hawaiian healing technique of ho’oponopono.  This starts with the idea that we create our own reality, and that we are totally, one hundred percent responsible for this reality.  That means everything- EVERYTHING- is our responsibility.  Even the craziness of others.  We are totally responsible.

Why does this work? Because by accepting responsibility for suffering, your own suffering, and the suffering of others, you place yourself in a position where you can do something about it.  And that doesn’t mean that you can make everything better, right now, all over the place.  Man, I wish I could love away poverty and ignorance. But, I can change myself.  I can work on myself.  I can love myself.  Through that love, and the vibrations that come from that love, I can help others, heal others, and maybe even change things. So, can we apply ho’oponopono to our daily lives?  Can we work on ourselves, and as a result heal the haters?  I’ll tell you how you can apply this amazing technique in my next post.

Meanwhile, let me know how you deal with your haters. Are you working on loving your way through? Do you just forget them and move on?  Do you use them as your motivation to move forward? Do you cuss them out and never speak to them again?  I’ve done all of the above, but this gal finds more peace when I love my way through.  More to come on how you can get your Hawaiian healing on, and help change the world in my next post.


Love y’all,



Yes, you can meditate. . . no, really. . . you can

Hey y’all,

I have had a meditation practice for the last five years or so.  It was born out of complete chaos and stress, I was at a time in my life when I was working non-stop, newly married, and stressed to hell.  I also found out I was pregnant and had a miscarriage in the same evening.  At the time, I didn’t know that part of the reason I felt so bad all the time was that I had a huge fibroid tumor in my abdomen, which was the cause of the miscarriage, as well numerous other health problems, but. . . I digress.

My hubby and I were renting  a house that had a little deck.  We placed chairs out there, and loved listening to music- I bought him a record player as a first anniversary gift, and grilling out.  We were living the good life, except that I was constantly ill and stressed. . .

I started sitting out on the deck all the time. At the time, I was learning about energy, and the manipulation of energy fields around us, and I liked to sit and try to feel the electro-magnetic fields between my hands. . . but I would inevitably get bored, and drift off. I read about a technique, where you repeat a word over and over, and hold it in your heart, I, of course, chose love. I would chant love, love, love to myself with my eyes closed for as long as I could. . .I often found that after  a few minutes of this, I felt calmer, better.  Fast forward to today. . . my yoga practice has led to a full blown meditation obsession.  I meditate for at least ten minutes a day, and I’m working on more.

If you have always wondered what this meditation thing is about, try out this five minute meditation, a few days a week.  Drop me a comment and let me know how it worked for you.  Reminder: THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO MEDITATE.  Don’t be discouraged if your mind wanders. . .that’s why you’re meditating! If you find your mind drifts off toward lunch, or laundry, or your massive to do list, simply tell yourself. . not now, not now. .  and place the thought to the side.  Come back to your mantra. . . if your mind wanders again, tell yourself. . .not now, not now, and come back to your mantra.  I guarantee you’ll look up and be shocked that five minutes have passed, and feel a lot calmer afterward. Now, to the good stuff.

  1. Find a comfortable seat, in a relatively calm environment.  You don’t need to find total silence, because that may not be accessible for you. . . you may even try this standing in line at the grocery store or post office. . I used to practice this way all the time. . Like I said, there is no right way to do this. . .just commit to doing it!
  2. Close your eyes, or if you’re in public and worried about looking cray-(I don’t usually have this problem. . .but I love being a little different sometimes;-) find a stable point to focus your eyes on. Bring your mental focus inward. (I know you’re like, but how, sway?  how?) Go to number 3. . .
  3. Take a deep breath.  A really, really, deep breath. Inhale for a count of eight. . . exhale for a count of ten. . If that’s too hard, inhale for a count of five and exhale for a count of seven.Now repeat. (There’s a science behind the deep breathing. . . I’ll share later, just trust me, the breathing is kinda key. . . especially if you are going to try a short practice.) You can repeat the breath again. . . do it for the whole five minutes, or let it go when it feels right to you. . . like I said. . .this is YOUR meditation practice. Make it yours.
  4. Pick a word, any word. . . I prefer happy words like. . .happy. . love. . . joy. . .  but if you’re tastes run a bit darker, no judgment. . do you. . . just repeat that word, over and over in your head. . .
  5. If your mind wanders away from your word. . . just note that. . . I like to note where my  mind goes also-(usually, it tells you a lot about what your subconscious is working on)- then go back to your mantra.  A simple, non-judgmental response like, “Not now,” can send your brain signals that you aren’t ignoring it. .  . just putting that concern to the side for a while. I promise, you can pick it up when you’re done.
  6. That’s it.  See. . I told you, you could do it.  So, do it. . . Take some time for yourself and get your meditation on.  Try it a few different times in different environments and see how it goes.

With Love,

Lady in Yellow

Mommies need nurturing too

Jada Pinkett Smith did an amazing interview with her mother and daughter, and her daughter asked her, “What’s the hardest part about being a mom?”
Her response- (paraphrased) I loved you and your brother and your father so much I lost myself.  I was giving, giving, giving, but I was miserable.  I had to learn to invest in myself.  Take time for myself.  Nurture and take care of myself so that I could be the best me.

Why is this so hard for us mommies to figure out?  Do any of you look up and get to work and realize that you rushed around so much that you didn’t really get yourself together the way you wanted?  Or, have you had an entire week where you never make it home before 8 or 9 pm, and are still tasked with feeding the children, getting baths, homework, cleaning up, etc.? (Not to mention take some time to catch up with your significant other.) I do. Not only that, then I have the nerve to sit around and wonder why I’m tired.  Why I can’t just go, go, go as though I have an inexhaustible reserve of energy and time.  Well  of course I am.  Often, I look up and find that I’ve been giving to my family, my community, my job, and everyone else, and haven’t really, (except for those twenty minutes I locked myself in the bathroom and read a trashy blog), taken any time for myself and my own interests.  Sure, I find pleasure in everyday. . . That’s how I keep going. . . (Nothing lifts my spirits like getting in the car and “Back that Azz up” by Juvenile coming on the radio.  We stop everything and dance.  All of us. .  . mommy, baby, and daddy if he’s in the car.) It’s wonderful and necessary to find beauty in the everyday.  But if you took stock of the last twenty-four hours can you say that you devoted one hour to your own enrichment or  pleasure?  Now, how many did you devote to your your employer, your children’s enrichment, your significant other’s?  Let me guess. . . The tally is a bit lopsided. . . Of course it is, and I’m right there with you.
That, is why I’m attending yoga teacher training, and pursing the path of the yogin. For me, yoga is my me time.  It’s the time I take to practice being present, take time for myself, love myself, and others.  A yoga practice is not just physical, it is a practice of quieting the mind and being fully present.  Check out your local studio, or even a video on youtube. In the future,  I’ll be sharing some of my favorite free yoga sources.  The best thing about yoga is that it can be done anywhere, no equipment necessary.  And as a busy working mom, I need this time more than I ever did.  Check out the video below, and share your comments.  Do Jada’s words resonate with you?  How do you busy, busy, fabulous supermommies find the time to nurture yourself?

Do you see the point?

I survive on intimacy & tomorrow/ that’s all I’ve got going. . . .-lady in  yellow

Why blog?  Why now?  Because I don’t have it all together, I’m seeking balance and I’m ready to learn.  Because I know I’m not alone.

I turned 35 years old last year. In anticipation for my birthday, which always brings me kind of down, I decided to try one new thing every week.  I tried pilates, the barre, new restaurants, and then, one day I went to a hot yoga class.  My teacher was amazing, and I left feeling renewed, my mind was at peace, and I’d finally taken time for me.

My life was a mess. I’d worked for years as a trial lawyer, in and out of courtrooms, and jailhouses-  representing people through their toughest times.  I was so good at working for everyone else, that I’d let myself go. Even when I left that job and took one with a slower pace, I’d forgotten to take time for myself.  I was the chair of the Board of Directors for a non-profit organization, ran for a state-wide office with the Bar, and joined another club, which required at least forty-eight hours of community service a year.  I had a beautiful toddler, beautiful husband- although we weren’t connected, and a beautiful, if small home. And yet. . . I was still dissatisfied.  I’d worked so hard to achieve all of these things, and yet, I wasn’t happy.  I was stressed out all the time, and my mood was as changeable as the wind.  I was always fussing, often angry, and tired, and I just wasn’t enjoying my life.

Fast forward to today. . . I don’t have it all together.  But through my practice I have found the beauty in letting go of effort, and enjoying where you are.  I stopped seeking acclaim from those outside, and paid attention to how I feel. . . and you know what?  A lot of those extra things left my life.  Like, over the course of months, I resigned from the Board of Directors, lost the state-wide election, pulled back from some of my social groups-just to see how it felt. . .it felt fantastic!- and focused on myself and my family.  I don’t have it altogether, but hey. . .

“bein alive, and bein a woman, & bein colored/ is a metaphysical dilemma I haven’t conquered yet. . . . Do you see the point?

I’m striving towards being  a better me.  I’m more focused on the inside, and conquering this metaphysical dilemma.  I’m not as concerned with my outside accomplishments, winning cases, and getting bonuses from work. . . I’m more concerned with finding inner peace, and learning to truly love myself and others. . . Join me for this journey. . . I think it’s the one most worth taking. . .

-Lady in Yellow