Mommy guilt… And other minor annoyances

Do you think your baby cares if the dishes are done?

Mine doesn’t although she’s generally a neater soul than I.  My sweet girl comes behind me and fully closes the refrigerator door, and savagely clears clutter from her belongings and her bedroom.  Do not place your purse in my two year old’s chair.  It will not go well for you. . . But anway,

I was ill.  I’ll tell you about it later, but I was down.  Like, “in- bed” down for days. I’m not the type of person to really take time off of work or yoga for my illness, unless I don’t have a choice.  After work, I would come home and lay down.  On the weekend, I could barely get up.  I wound up taking a few days off. I’m better now that I’ve given myself time to rest and rejuvenate.  But through it all, I felt so much guilt.

I felt guilt over the time I didn’t spend with my daughter painting, or playing or cooking, or  enjoying the beautiful weather. I felt guilt about turning around and going to work, dropping my girl off at pre-school, only to have her come home to a mommy who was drained-with no energy to play or go on adventures.  I worried aloud to the Mr. that I was not fulfilling my duties as a mommy, that Naomi would feel unloved and abandoned, that I was messing this whole motherhood thing up. . .and it wasn’t even my fault! I couldn’t help that I was sick.

But, it was all in my head. My sweet girl may have noticed mommy was not okay for a while, but it changed nothing, save a few extra heartwarming, “Mommy, are you okay?” questions throughout the day. You see,  my baby doesn’t mind spending an evening in bed with mommy.  In fact, she thinks it’s fun.  She plays in the covers, jumps all over me, and ultimately falls asleep in her favorite place, mommy’s arms. She doesn’t mind when mommy orders a pizza for dinner, lacking the energy to prepare a home-cooked meal. She’s thrilled about the pizza. And she doesn’t care about whether the dishes are done. She would much rather mommy use the rest of her energy to play a game, or practice yoga poses, or do a mini dance a thon around the living room.

Our expectations, are just that- OURS.  And regardless of the reason that we fail to meet our own standards, that doesn’t mean we have to feel guilt.  It just means that life is happening.  LIFE IS HAPPENING. And by now we should know that it is unpredictable, and uncontrollable.

So, be the best mommy you can be and screw the haters, even if the hater is you.  Push through your own difficulties with your head held high.  Show your children that life may not always be perfect, but the love you have for them remains the same.  It’s really all that matters.  I’m sure you guys don’t have this problem,:-) but if you do, share the strategies you use to combat it.

Love y’all

#SoYellowToday

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4 thoughts on “Mommy guilt… And other minor annoyances

  1. Hi yellow gal, thank you for your honesty in sharing this.
    Guilt is awful and you start saying ” I should be…” Instead of accepting what you can do.
    As you said, life is unpredictable and we do the best we can.
    Thank you, Emma.

    Like

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